Rejection based on appearance is something many people face in different walks of life — whether in the workplace, on social platforms, or even within personal relationships. But when this rejection is tied to weight, it can leave lasting effects on self-worth and confidence, even years later.
Shilpa Shirodkar, once a leading face of Hindi cinema in the 90s, recently recalled being dropped from one of Bollywood’s most iconic songs, Chaiyya Chaiyya, reportedly because of her weight. Speaking to Siddharth Kannan earlier, she said, “She (Farah Khan) just said that we will work some other time because they are looking for someone else. ‘You are a little fatter’. Something like this… I don’t even remember anymore. I know I missed it because I was fat. I will always feel bad that I didn’t get Chaiyya Chaiyya, but God gave me much more, and he is still giving me.”
Meanwhile, choreographer and director also addressed the moment, stating on her YouTube channel, “I came to Shilpa to ask her for ‘Chhaiya Chhaiya’. But something must have happened to her because at that time, she was at least 100 kgs. So I thought ‘how will she get on the train?’ And if she gets on, where will Shah Rukh stand?”
Neha Cadabam, Senior Psychologist and Executive Director at Cadabams Hospitals, tells , “Being turned down for an opportunity due to weight can have a lasting impact on an individual’s self-worth, particularly in industries where appearance is often emphasized. Such rejections can reinforce harmful societal messages that equate physical appearance with value or capability. Over time, this may contribute to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and even body shame.”
To cope, she says that it’s important to separate one’s identity and worth from such experiences. “Acknowledging the hurt without letting it define one’s self-image is crucial. Talking to a therapist can provide a safe space to process these feelings, challenge internalized narratives, and rebuild self-esteem.”
Practices like self-compassion, connecting with , and surrounding oneself with affirming relationships can also help shift the focus from appearance to one’s skills, values, and individuality.
Cadabam says, “Yes, it is entirely human to carry the emotional residue of certain rejections, especially when they touch a sensitive nerve like body image or unfulfilled aspirations. These memories often stay with us not just because of the lost opportunity, but because of what they symbolise—feeling unseen, undervalued, or judged unfairly.”
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, Cadabam stresses. “It means allowing space to grieve what was lost, while gradually making peace with it. Therapy, journaling, and creative expression can offer ways to process these emotions.”
Words from people in positions of authority carry weight, says Cadabam, not just in the decisions they communicate, but in the culture they help create. “Sensitivity training and about bias in hiring or casting practices can help decision-makers reflect on how their language affects others. At a broader level, leaders in media and entertainment have a unique opportunity to challenge outdated norms and promote more inclusive representations of beauty and talent.”
